It’s Friday afternoon, before Columbus Day weekend. I’ve just spent most of the day posting a lot of useful news on our website (well, at least I think it's useful). At 4:30 pm, a press release invades my email inbox. It’s from Amtrak. It has to do with expansion of Amtrak's Pets on Trains program to Northeast Corridor Regional trains. Okay, I say, I’ll give it a look. It’s not earth shattering news, and our business-to-business publication won’t suffer for not running it. So I give it a look.
One read was all I needed. Thus, this blog.
First, allowing small cats or dogs on a passenger train, in a carrier, is a good thing. I’m sure that there are many pet owners who don’t use passenger trains because they are prohibited from bringing their little companions with them. The fact that they (the pets, not their owners) have to stay inside their carriers is okay. The little guys probably feel more secure in them. However, I’m not so sure that the requirement to keep the pet carriers under the seat, as Amtrak stipulates, is a good thing. I really don’t think that's necessary. Besides, if you (not you, your pet) are confined in a little bag in the dark under a seat, on the floor of a railcar, you’re going to feel things like track anomalies and flat spots on wheels much more intensely than if you were nestled comfortably on your owner’s lap. Track inspectors and maintenance-of-way supervisors, take note!
Also, there is a 20 pound weight restriction for pet-plus-carrier. How is Amtrak going to enforce that? With a food scale, like the kind you see in the deli section of a supermarket, at the gate? No matter how you slice it, it’s not practical.
But these relatively minor points are not what’s causing me to sound off here. What got my Newark, N.J.-bred Italian up is this statement from Rep. Jeff Denham (R-Calif.), Chairman of the House Railroad Subcommittee:
“Expanding the Pets on Trains program in the Northeast Corridor is a victory for American pet owners and for Amtrak, which can now serve individuals and families traveling with small dogs and cats. This change will increase ridership and revenue for Amtrak while building on the success of the pilot program, paving the way for the future of pets on trains nationwide.”
Denham’s The-Pope-is-a-Catholic reiteration of the facts aside, what is the purpose of this perfectly ridiculous statement, and why does it have to appear in an Amtrak press release? Aside from Denham’s obviously narcissistic intentions, what does he honestly think he’s accomplishing? “A victory for American pet owners”? Are they at war with Amtrak, or something? “A victory for Amtrak”? Is Amtrak being pressured by People for Ethical Treatment of Animals, or something? And “an increase in ridership and revenue”? What does Denham think, that millions more passengers will now descend upon Amtrak, pets and carriers in tow, and eliminate Amtrak’s annual operating deficit?
Perhaps Denham thinks that money will now start raining cats and dogs upon America’s Passenger Railroad?
“The future of pets on trains nationwide.” I didn’t know this was a matter of national importance. Thanks for educating me.
Will Amtrak Café and dining cars now have to add pet food to the menu? I can just imagine what McDonald’s-hamburger-loving, Amtrak-despising Congressman John Mica would think of that!
If the California High-Speed Rail Authority were to announce that dogs and cats of all sizes—Golden Retrievers, Saint Bernards, Great Danes, Greyhounds (no, not Greyhounds; they’re on the sides of buses, which many in the passenger rail industry don’t like), Pluto, Goofy, mountain lions, lynxes, Morris the Cat, Garfield, Snagglepuss, Sylvester (without Tweety), Courageous Cat (without Minute Mouse), Top Cat— will be allowed on its high-speed trains, would Denham change his tune and stop trying to deep-six this project?
Maybe this “victory” should become part of the Republican Presidential platform. If Donald Trump gets the nomination, the Republicans can add the orange fox that resides on his head to the cats and dogs that can now ride on Amtrak trains.
I have to give a lot of credit to Amtrak’s corporate communications people for having to put up with this ego-gratifying political stupidity. I know most of them, and they’re good people who do an excellent job in a very difficult environment. I don’t know about them, but if I were writing these press releases, being forced to insert totally useless, self-serving pronouncements from narcissistic politicians (who unfortunately control the purse strings), I would have to keep a supply of air sickness bags in my desk.